My husband and I got married in 2006 and were blessed with a daughter the following year. I say blessed because I was told that I wouldn’t be able to hold a pregnancy do to my PCOS and surgeries done prior.
After my daughter was born we got pregnant 6 years later. We were so excited it was unbelievable. We tried to include our daughter as much as possible after 12 weeks. She even came with us to an ultrasound. It was magical.
We found out my daughter was going to have 2 sisters. Our world was going crazy. At 17 weeks I woke up at 1:15 and thought I wet the bed. I got up and went to the washroom to find out that my pjs were covered in blood. I screamed for my husband scared. Then we heard a loud drop. I thought one of the girls came out. It turned it was a blood clog the size of my fist.
We were rushed to the hospital. They did ultrasounds and told us that the girls were every active. I was 3 cm dilated. As time was going by I was in so much back pain. Not realizing I was having contractions. The nurses told me I was having a miscarriage. I couldn’t believe them. I did everything right. This couldn’t be happening. I left that hospital and got transferred to where my doctor was.
My doctor checked me and told me he was going to perform an emergency cervical stitch due to an incompetent cervix. I didn’t care all I thought was I couldn’t lose my babies. After the stitching I was sent home on bed rest. On Dec 24, 2013 once again I woke up at the same time thinking something’s not right. I went to the washroom and to surprise my water broke. We rushed once more to the hospital and were taken to the maternity ward. All I remember is telling myself and the nurses it still too soon. My girls aren’t ready.
Once the doctor came in I was 10 cm dilated are ready to deliver. The doctor told my husband and I that the twins are still too small at 20 weeks and their lungs aren’t developed. They would not be rushing to help the twins since there is nothing they could do. That alone broke my heart hearing those words.
I was asked if I wanted to see the girls right away and told them I couldn’t. I was scared. I’m glad I changed my mind.
I held them from the moment they came into my room till I left at 1pm. I even took pictures holding them and made my husband do the same. We had a little ceremony and named our angels. The hard part was leaving the hospital in a wheelchair looking in the rooms watching other parents holding their newborns and all I had in my lap was a couple of boxes with pictures the nurses took of the girls, their hats and gowns, name labels, hand and foot prints and their blanket. No babies.
I got home and had to put on a happy face for our now 6 year old who thinks I’m still pregnant and celebrate Christmas. On Boxing Day my daughter had many questions. This was probably the hardest day, telling my daughter she will no longer have sisters. God needed more angels and thought that Olivia & Kloress would be perfect.
It was hard and time went by. We speak about them as if they were with us. 7 months later I got pregnant. 3 weeks later I felt funny again and this time I had a miscarriage. It’s now October and everyday is getting harder. All our firsts are here. Last thanksgiving is when I announced the pregnancy. This thanksgiving they’re not here. Kloress and Olivia won’t be here for Christmas. I still have hope that one day I’ll be able to have another child.
I am a mother of 3.
1 on earth my beautiful Hayley
2 in heaven Kloress Rose & Olivia Taylor
