This was our second pregnancy and a bit of a surprise as we had not really been devoted to “trying” for another baby. We had a hard time conceiving with our first and a handful of complications with our first pregnancy (healthy 2 year old girl now!)
We had an appointment on August 22nd 2014 for our dating ultrasound and we were excited to find out a due date as we just had a vague idea. At this point I thought I was about 11 weeks along and had just announced it to our families not long before.
We were sitting in the waiting room of the ultrasound section of the hospital and this young man and his mom had come out of the ultrasound room just beaming. It was cute because you could tell he was a first time dad and so proud holding the pictures of his little one. I couldn’t stop smiling because I knew that feeling, and I was excited to see our little one.
We were called back and they started to do the ultrasound and the doctor said “there is the pregnancy, looks to be measuring about 6 weeks” which had to be a mistake because I was further along than that. They decided to do an internal ultrasound and that’s when my heart sunk. Our baby had no heartbeat.
They assume it happened sometime around 6 weeks as it was measuring around that size still. The next few days were harder than I ever imagined. I was completely overcome with anger, disbelief, maybe they made a mistake, maybe it was me.
This all happened on a Thursday, and all weekend long I just cried and cried. Monday morning came and we went into our OB’s office. She explained that I had a missed miscarriage and that I would be going in for surgery that afternoon for what is called a “D & C” I felt numb, and still couldn’t believe this was real. I had to ask if they were sure, if maybe it was a mistake. It wasn’t a mistake.
Our little one had left us and now it was just an empty feeling. I wish I had gotten to say goodbye, I wish I had gotten to know weather our baby was a boy or girl; I wish I knew what our baby looked like. We decided to name our little baby, not knowing gender, Riley.
We are not sure if we will have another child. It is still very soon after our loss. We miss our little one dearly and wish the circumstances were different. I just hope people know they are not alone. And that yes it is also very hard on the fathers as they are losing a child as well.
