My ex and I had tried for a baby with no luck so I figured I couldn’t get pregnant and we decided to just let it be. I ended up falling pregnant to my surprise in January 2007 and found out in March.

Everything seemed to be going good, I had horrible sickness but my belly was growing and I thought everything would be ok. I was always aware of baby loss but never thought it could or would happen to me; little did I know that it would.

I started spotting on May 8th, 2007 and went to the hospital as my doc had left for the day and they did an ultrasound and everything was fine, went to my doc on May 9th and heard the heartbeat and was told nothing to worry about as sometimes women spot during pregnancy and just rest. I woke on May 10th and had some slight cramps but didn’t think much of it until after my shower when my water broke, I called my doc and got in right away where she tried to find the heart beat but couldn’t.

She tried not to show me her worry and said maybe the baby is just positioned wrong so go to the hospital and get an ultrasound done but by the time I got to labour & delivery and into a room my baby was already being born. The nurse came in to help deliver my baby as I felt pressure and when I looked I saw his tiny feet.

I freaked out as it’s far too soon to have my baby now (15 weeks and 4 days gestation) but I did deliver and at first we didn’t want to see the baby but changed our minds after and I am so grateful we did as I would have never known what sex my baby was or who he looked like.

We found out it was a boy and named him Lukas James, he was perfect in every way. He weighed 2.8oz and measured 6 1/2 inches long.

It was a very hard thing to go through and I pretty much dealt with it alone and with the help of PAIL (formally known as Perinatal Bereavement Services of Ontario) support group.

I fell pregnant again (not planning or expecting it) around June 2008 and found out the end of July. I had complications from the start, I woke up one morning (August 19th) around 3am and passed a clot and thought for sure I had just lost my baby but I was still having the morning sickness so I went to the doctor and she couldn’t hear a heartbeat so she thought maybe I was too early to pick up the heart beat so I was sent for an ultrasound and the tech had mentioned the baby was there and fine, I was so happy.

I continued to have complications and needed an emergency cervical stitch at 12 weeks as my cervix was starting to open. I continued to have spotting after and kept going to the hospital and doctors and being told everything is fine. On the night of September 28th, 2008 I had trouble sleeping and was having pains, I prayed it wasn’t going to happen a 2nd time and went to the hospital the next morning; on September 29th, 2008 where I ended up delivering my 2nd angel baby, another boy at 15 weeks and 5 days gestation named Noah John.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story.