Is everything okay?
Things move on.
Life moves on.
Everyone moves on.
No one else should stop with his heart.
I wouldn’t expect it.
But my heart stopped.
My life stopped with him. At least for the moment.
Should I have let him live to die
To verify my love for him?
What a selfish thought.
And yet there is comfort that it is selfish.
His life would have only been to verify that it would have been pain.
And that would have been only selfish on my part.
I couldn’t have let a little life live only pain
Just to pardon myself from a greater decision.
But what if the hours he was with me
I showered him with the love I had.
What if he had known at least that.
I would have loved that child in hours
The amount that any woman could love a child in decades.
So what is selfish? What is selfless?
What is right? What is the difference?!
My peace can only be in my heart.
No one else made that decision.
No one could tell me the right thing to do.
Nobody loved him or wanted him as I did.
No matter how I battle within myself,
I have to come to a peace
That out of a pure, unrequited and desperate love,
I was not selfish.
And, yet somehow, that is selfish.
What is selfish?